The President Of Channel One News

Mr. Ritts, glad to have you at Obligation’s web site again. How ya been? How’s the company?

Metrock, this is another one of your make-believe interviews. I don’t know why I answer these questions but I will. First, I’m fine. Never been better, and the company is  doing great. You do-gooders haven’t laid a glove on us.

I’m glad you are well. I thought the stress would be getting to you. But your financial statements paint a pretty bleak picture for Channel One News?

Don’t believe everything you read. We have a long list, I say, a long list of schools waiting to get our brand-spanking new TV equipment. We’re beating advertisers off with a stick.

None  of that is true. There is no waiting list of schools wanting your ANTIQUATED equipment. You’re having to lower your already low ad rates to attract new advertisers. You had to cut your payroll. You had eight news anchors you’re down to five.

You’re just a Mr. Know-It-All aren’t you Metrock.
I’m sticking to my story. You can’t prove anything

.

Whatever. How about telling parents why Channel One News is currently promoting the career of one of the most filthiest female singers in the rap world, Missy Elliott?

. We are running a contest that encourages children to make a video opposing domestic violence. We are doing a positive thing.
Missy Elliott is a minor part of this contest.

Hogwash, Ritts. You introduced this contest the week Elliott’s UPN TV show premiered. Channel One News is getting paid to boost this singer’s career.

Hogwash yourself. Missy  Elliott is a mainstream artist
that has ever right to be talking to our young audience.

Ritts, Elliott’s lyrics are filled with violence, the most repulsive obscenities, and drug references. Why would you hold this person up as a role model?

You probably have never listened to any of her songs.
You are always criticizing things you know nothing about.
You would think differently if you heard “Pass da Blunt” and “Dog in Heat.”
Sure she singing about the joys of drugs and sex,
but that’s what the kids listen to today. Get with the program.

Last year Channel One News ran a lot of ads for movies that normalized drug and alcohol use among young people. Do you have any regrets?

You’re trying to make me look like a bad man. I’m not.
I’m making a living like anyone else.
We did run several ads for Starsky and Hutch which had a rap star
making a marijuana joke on the classroom TV.
That was a little over the top, but, hey, that’s Hollywood,
and Hollywood has been very, very good for our company.

Mr. Ritts, that same movie featured a police officer using cocaine – that was evidence in a crime – to intoxicate two women so he could have sex with them. The whole scene was played for “laughs.” It normalized the use of drugs. It told kids that even law enforcement officers like to use cocaine. This is just the latest of the drug and alcohol movies you have promoted to children. What’s the matter with you?

You’re making me mad, Metrock.
You have no right to second guess me.
I make so much money I could buy
and sell you a thousand times over.
I’m leaving this pretend interview.

Mr. Ritts, you also need to explain the advertising of a movie last year that normalized inhalant abuse. Channel One News got into a load of trouble for advertising the Scooby-Doo movie that made “huffing” look like fun. You ran that ad in middle school. Here’s your chance to tell us what the heck you were thinking. Mr. Ritts, are you there? Mr. Ritts?