The Lazy News Network

December 18, 2003

From Jim Metrock:

Thanks again to Ken McNatt, the Channel One Slayer. He
visited Channel One’s web site tonight and discovered that they had
posted Friday’s script around 10:40 PM EST. I am writing this article
around 10:10 CST. I have posted his email to me below. It includes
the script for tomorrow’s show, Friday, December 19, 2003.

What is the significance of this?

It shows once again how absolutely lazy this company
is. The CEO, Jim Ritts, is lazy; VP of Programming, Morgan Wandell,
is lazy and Producer, Jim Morris, is lazy. Add to that the reporters
and all the behind the camera people are lazy.

Let’s convert the time to Pacific Standard Time. Channel
One News called it a "wrap" tonight at 7:40 PST! Did the
reporters have a party to go to?

Channel One News is always stale news because it is not
live. Channel One has the capability of doing a live show in the morning
for students, but it would cut into their profits and anyway their
company is primarily concerned with the advertising, not the news.
(Channel One News was created by an advertising executive. CEO Jim
Ritts is an advertising/marketing person.)

Heck, Channel One news should be airing an hourly update
over the satellite or on the web 24 hours 7 days a week. That is what
a true news organization does. Children are getting shortchanged by
these "news pretenders."

If Channel One wrapped up their news at midnight PST,
that would be bad enough, but 7:40 PM! One can only imagine when they
actually did turn out the lights tonight. After all, it was 7:40 PST
when the web master put it on the web. Or rather when Mr. McNatt found
it. It could have been up earlier. As always, we will give Channel
One the benefit of the doubt. We will assume they worked like crazy
up until 7:40. Assuming that, this has got to be the laziest group
of goofballs around.

A school in the Greater Atlanta area will be rebroadcasting
Channel One’s Friday show at around 8 AM tomorrow. That is a 9-hour
gap. Some schools show Channel One around lunch time which would mean
a possible 12-hour gap. What was the top story for the Friday show?
The conviction of the young sniper Lee Malvo which broke on the wires
around 11:00 AM PST. Channel One executives made the decision early
in the day that there wasn’t going to be any bigger news today.

Errol Barnett and Lauren Jiggetts are the two "reporters" that
taped Friday’s show on Thursday. These young twenty-somethings are
not just signing off for the day. They are signing off for the WEEK.
They won’t work tomorrow because Channel One News continues to refuse
to broadcast any news over the weekend. If you are an anchor for Channel
One News, you can call it quits early on Thursday evenings and have
a fun-filled weekend.

Notice also what Anchor Barnett jokes about – Channel
One will only broadcast two days next week and then they will not broadcast
any news to children until JANUARY 5, 2004! Guys, why are shutting
down when you could be reporting the news? Doesn’t Channel One representatives
brag about their program being the ONLY source of news for children?

Don’t knock yourself out, Channel One News. We don’t
want you guys to expend too much energy. Let’s hope the lazy Channel
One employees will get plenty of rest over their long, self-imposed
vacation.

 

C1 already posted their script for tomorrow, 10:40
PM EST, or 7:40 PM PST.
Another early weekend for C1 anchors, and an end to a horrible week for
their "news" team.
KM
http://channeloneteacher.com/script/script_arch/script_20031219.html
MALVO CONVICTED 
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2003
December 18, 2003[QUOTE OF THE DAY]
[AIRDATE=12/19/03]
[PRO=HALL]
[SCRIPT]
One kind word can warm three winter months.
Japanese Proverb

[HELLOS]
[AIRDATE=12/19/03]
[PRO=ENAS]
[TALENT=ERROL & LAUREN]
ERROL: WHAT’S GOING ON, EVERYONE? I’M ERROL BARNETT.LAUREN: AND I’M LAUREN
JIGGETTS. IF YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN INTO THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT YET, WE MAY BE
ABLE TO HELP YOU OUT TODAY.ERROL: THAT’S RIGHT, BECAUSE WE’RE PLAYING
ALL THE FAVORITE HOLIDAY TUNES YOU CHOSE ON OUR WEB SITE.LAUREN: SO GET
READY AS WE DECK THE HALLS ON THIS FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19TH ON CHANNEL ONE
NEWS.

[INTRO LEAD]
ERROL: HERE’S A LOOK AT TODAY’S TOP STORY.

[MALVO]
ERROL: A JURY HAS CONVICTED TEENAGER LEE MALVO OF MURDER IN LAST YEAR’S
WASHINGTON, D.C. AREA SNIPER KILLINGS.
THE VERDICT WAS DELIVERED YESTERDAY IN A COURTROOM IN CHESAPEAKE, VIRGINIA
AND WAS APPLAUDED BY THE RELATIVES OF SOME OF THE VICTIMS.BOB MEYERS
– BROTHER OF VICTIM: WE ARE EXTREMELY PLEASED WITH THE VERDICT. WE BELIEVE
THAT JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED, AND WE APPRECIATE THE OPPORTUNITY NOW TO
MOVE INTO THE SENTENCING PHASE.ERROL: TEN PEOPLE WERE KILLED DURING A
THREE WEEK PERIOD IN AND AROUND WASHINGTON, D.C. LAST FALL.
POLICE ARRESTED MALVO AND THIS MAN, JOHN MUHAMMAD, AND SAID THEY HAD
SHOT MANY OF THE VICTIMS FROM THIS SPECIALLY MODIFIED CAR.
LAST MONTH, MUHAMMAD WAS CONVICTED OF MURDER AND SENTENCED TO DEATH.
MALVO’S ATTORNEYS ARGUED UNSUCCESSFULLY THAT HE HAD BEEN BRAINWASHED
BY MUHAMMAD INTO TAKING PART.
NOW, THE JURY WILL HAVE TO DECIDE WHETHER MALVO, WHO WAS 17 AT THE TIME
OF THE KILLINGS, SHOULD GET THE DEATH PENALTY.

WILLIAM SCHULZ, D.D. – AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL, USA:
JUVENILES ARE NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE. THEY’RE NOT ALLOWED TO SERVE ON
JURIES. IN LOUISIANA, THEY’RE NOT ALLOWED EVEN TO ATTEND EXECUTIONS
UNLESS THEY ARE THE ONE BEING EXECUTED. JUVENILES ARE CLEARLY LESS
RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS THAN ADULTS. WE KNOW THAT IN EVERY
AREA OF OUR LIFE EXCEPT THE AREA OF CRIMINAL JUSTICE.TOM FITTON –
JUDICIAL WATCH: THE IDEA THAT IF YOU’RE 17 OR 16 AND YOU COMMIT A
MURDER, THAT BECAUSE OF YOUR AGE, YOU SHOULD GET A-A VIRTUAL ‘GET
OUT OF JAIL FREE’ CARD, I THINK, IS AT ODDS WITH JUSTICE.

[BE BACK]
[AIRDATE=12/19/03]
[PRO=ENAS]
[TALENT=LAUREN]
LAUREN: AND, COMING UP, FROM THE FRONT LINES TO LOVING ARMS, WE’LL HAVE
ONE MARINE’S STORY OF SURVIVAL.

[INTRO MARINE]
[AIRDATE=12/19/03]
[PRO=FREDDIE]
[TALENT=LAUREN]
LAUREN: MORE THAN 2,000 AMERICANS WILL HAVE MORE THAN THE USUAL REASONS
TO BE THANKFUL THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. THEY ARE THE SERVICEMEN AND WOMEN
WHO FOUGHT IN IRAQ, WERE WOUNDED AND SURVIVED.
EARLIER THIS WEEK, I TRAVELED TO CAMP PENDLETON, THE MARINE CORPS BASE
OUTSIDE OF SAN DIEGO, AND TALKED TO ONE OF THOSE SURVIVORS. HERE’S HIS
STORY.

[HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS]
JEREMY: PLAYING FOOTBALL, SO, IT WAS ALWAYS FUN. USED TO RIDE BULLS.
I DON’T RIDE BULLS NO MORE. UH, RIDE BAREBACK HORSES AND TEAM ROPE.
I WON ALL-AROUND COWBOY IN ARKANSAS.LAUREN: FOR LANCE CORPORAL JEREMY
BLOUNT, THAT PART OF HIS LIFE WAS NOT SO LONG AGO, BUT HE PUT IT
ON HOLD WHEN HE DECIDED TO SERVE HIS COUNTRY. HE JOINED THE MARINES
TWO YEARS AGO AT AGE 19. LANCE CPL. JEREMY BLOUNT – U.S. MARINE CORPS:
I MEAN, MY MOM, SHE DIDN’T WANT ME TO JOIN, AND …LAUREN: WHY’S
THAT? JEREMY: ALL MOMS DON’T WANT THEIR SONS TO JOIN. I’M THE BABY
OF THE FAMILY.LAUREN: BUT BETWEEN BOOT CAMP, AND TRAINING, HE WOULDN’T
BE A BABY MUCH LONGER. LATE LAST YEAR, HE RECEIVED HIS ORDERS —
A NEW DEPLOYMENT, KUWAIT AND ULTIMATELY, IRAQ.

JEREMY: SO WHEN I CALLED THEM, THEY ALL, LIKE, BROKE
DOWN AND STARTED CRYING AND WHAT REALLY GOT ME WAS WHEN MY DAD DID,
WHEN I TOLD MY DAD THAT I WAS GOING OVER. WHEN HE, WHEN I COULD HEAR
IT IN HIS VOICE, THAT’S WHEN I WAS LIKE, ‘OH, MAN, YOU KNOW, IT’S
REAL.’ LAUREN: JEREMY WAS ONE OF THOUSANDS OF MARINES AND SOLDIERS
WHO BEGAN THE DANGEROUS PUSH TO BAGHDAD LAST MARCH. SEVERAL TIMES
HIS COMPANY CAME UNDER FIRE. EACH TIME, THEY ESCAPED UNHARMED. BUT
MANNING A HUMVEE’S TURRET GUN THIS PAST JUNE, HIS COMPANY’S LUCK
ALMOST CAME TO AN END WHEN THEY WERE AMBUSHED BY IRAQIS WITH ROCKET
PROPELLED GRENADES, OR R-P-G’S.

JEREMY: I SEE A FLASH OUT OF THE LEFT PART OF MY EYE,
SO I LOOK OVER AT IT, I SEE THE R-P-G FLYING. IT’S LIKE THREE FEET
FROM THE TRUCK. AND IT HITS THE TRUCK AND, UH, THAT-THAT’S WHAT TAKES
OUT MY DRIVER. WE HIT A TREE HEAD ON. AND, UH, AS SOON AS WE HIT
THAT TREE, UH, THE R-P-G BLEW UP, WHICH BLEW ME UP OUT OF THE TRUCK,
AND UH, SOMEHOW, TO THIS DAY, I STILL DON’T KNOW HOW, BUT WHEN I
LANDED I HIT THE HOOD, BOUNCED OFF THE HOOD AND HIT THE GROUND. AND,
UH, WHEN I HIT THE GROUND, I HAD MY M-16 IN MY HAND SOMEHOW. I DON’T
– I COULDN’T TELL YOU HOW. SO, I STARTED, YOU KNOW, UH, SEEING-SEEING
THE ENEMY, YOU KNOW, STARTED SHOOTING OVER AT ‘EM.

LAUREN: JEREMY SAVED HIS DRIVER, BUT BOTH SUFFERED
SHRAPNEL WOUNDS AND WERE SENT BACK TO THE STATES TO RECOVER. IT WAS
A BITTERSWEET WAY TO GET BACK HOME.JEREMY: I WANTED TO COME HOME
REAL BAD ‘CAUSE I WANTED TO GET BACK TO NORMAL LIFE, SEE MY FAMILY
AND EVERYTHING, BUT I WANTED – I WANTED TO STAY THERE, TOO, BECAUSE
OF ALL THE GUYS THAT WAS THERE. YOU GROW SO CLOSE. HERE, YOU THINK
YOU’RE CLOSE, AND YOU GET OVER THERE AND YOU ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW,
GET SHOT AT EVERYDAY, YOU GOT – HE’S PROTECTING YOUR LIFE, YOU –
IT’S LIKE, ‘HERE, YOU CAN HAVE MY LIFE, I’LL TAKE YOURS.’ YOU KNOW,
THAT’S HOW IT IS. LAUREN: A FEW MONTHS LATER, JEREMY RECEIVED THE
PURPLE HEART, THE MEDAL GIVEN TO U.S. SERVICEMEN AND WOMEN WHO GET
WOUNDED IN ACTION.JEREMY: IT’S THE ONLY MEDAL THAT YOU DON’T WANT,
YOU KNOW, BUT WHEN YOU GET IT, YOU’RE PROUD TO HAVE IT. ESPECIALLY
ME, YOU KNOW, I’M STILL ABLE TO WALK AND TALK, I’M NOT REAL BAD OFF.
UH, WE CALL IT THE ‘ENEMY MARKSMANSHIP BADGE.’ LAUREN: THE HOLIDAY
SEASON IS COMING UP. IS IT NICE TO BE HOME? WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE
TO BE ON-IN THE UNITED STATES RIGHT NOW?JEREMY: FEEL LIKE A NORMAL
PERSON AGAIN. IT’S-IT’S GOING TO BE AWESOME. SO, I’M EXCITED TO GO
HOME AND SEE MY FAMILY FINALLY. LAUREN: AND AS FOR JEREMY’S FELLOW
MARINES AND SOLDIERS WHO’LL SPEND THEIR HOLIDAYS IN IRAQ … JEREMY:
WELL, I KNOW THEY’RE MISSING THEIR FAMILIES AND THEIR FAMILIES ARE
HAVING TO SUFFER, BUT IF IT WASN’T FOR PEOPLE LIKE THEM AND US HERE,
THEN NO ONE COULD HAVE A HOLIDAY. LAUREN: SO AFTER THE ORDEAL OF
A LIFETIME, THE HOLIDAY’S THIS YEAR WILL HAVE A TRULY SPECIAL MEANING
FOR AT LEAST ONE MARINE.
IS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON DIFFERENT FOR YOU?JEREMY: YES, UH, IT IS, BECAUSE
BEFORE, YOU KNOW, CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE’S EXCITED AND EVERYONE’S HAPPY
TO BE THERE, BUT, I MEAN, IN MY SITUATION, I’M HAPPY TO BE ALIVE. SO,
I ENJOY EVERY MINUTE, YOU KNOW, THAT I CAN NOW, ‘CAUSE IT COULD BE OVER
IN ANY MINUTE.

[TAG MARINE]
[AIRDATE=12/19/03]
[PRO=FREDDIE]
[TALENT=LAUREN]
LAUREN: IT WAS REALLY INTERESTING TO SPEAK WITH JEREMY. I FELT LIKE I
GOT A GROUND-LEVEL PERSPECTIVE OF WHAT’S GOING ON IN IRAQ.
AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE’LL BE GOING BACK OVER THERE. HE MAY BE DEPLOYED
IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS.ERROL: REALLY? WELL, I DEFINITELY HOPE HE STAYS
SAFE, ALONG WITH THE OTHER TROOPS WE HAVE OVER THERE.LAUREN: SO DO I.

[UP NEXT]
[AIRDATE=12/19/03]
[PRO=ENAS]
[TALENT=ERROL]
ERROL: COMING UP NEXT, IT CERTAINLY WAS NOT A SILENT NIGHT WHEN THIS
PLAY OF THE WEEK HAPPENED. WE’LL SHOW YOU WHY, NEXT.

[POTW]
[AIRDATE=12/19/03]
[PRO=ALLEN]
[TALENT= ERROL]
ERROL: IT’S OUR LAST PLAY FOR 2003, AND WE’RE OFF TO THE COURTS IN PETERSBURG,
MICHIGAN WHERE THE BULLDOGS OF SUMMERFIELD HIGH ARE SHOOTIN’ HOOPS WITH
THE BRITTON HIGH SCHOOL TORIES. LOVE THAT NAME. CHECK THIS OUT.
WITH JUST SECONDS LEFT IN THE HALF, THE BULLDOGS TRAIL BY THREE. MELISSA
TANSEL INBOUNDS THE BALL TO MOLLY SMITH WHO GETS THE BALL OFF AT HALF
COURT, AND, SWISH! THE BULLDOGS GO ON TO WIN, 41 TO 32.
NICELY DONE, LADIES. FOR THAT, WE’LL BE SENDING YOUR TEAM A GATORADE
COOLER AND A CASE OF POWDER MIX.
WELL, WHAT DO WE WANT FOR THE HOLIDAYS, YOU ASK? YOUR PLAYS OF THE WEEK,
OF COURSE. SEND THEM IN TO CHANNEL ONE NEWS, P.O. BOX 74911, LOS ANGELES,
CALIFORNIA 90004. WE’LL BE LOOKING FOR THEM.

[ELECTION SOLICIT]
[AIRDATE=12/19/03]
[PRO=ENAS]
[TALENT=LAUREN]
LAUREN: ALL RIGHT GUYS, WITH THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION LESS THAN A YEAR
AWAY, CHANNEL ONE NEWS WANTS YOUR HELP COVERING THE ISSUES.
SO YOU TELL US, WHO’S YOUR PICK FOR PRESIDENT? WHAT ISSUES DOES HE, OR
SHE, NEED TO TACKLE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR TOWN?
SHOOT A VIDEO AND MAIL IT TO US. IT COULD AIR RIGHT HERE ON CHANNEL ONE
NEWS. AND WE’RE ALSO LOOKING FOR TEEN-PRODUCED OP-ED COLUMNS, PHOTOS,
POETRY AND MORE TO APPEAR ON OUR WEB SITE.
FOR ALL THE SUBMISSION DETAILS, JUST GO TO CHANNELONE.COM AND CLICK ON "COVER
THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION."

[GOODNIGHT]
[AIRDATE=12/19/03]
[PRO=JIM]
[TALENT=LAUREN & ERROL]
ERROL: COOL. NOW, WE KNOW FOR MANY OF YOU, TODAY IS YOUR LAST DAY OF
SCHOOL FINALLY, SO HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR. WE WILL
BE BACK MONDAY AND TUESDAY, AND THEN WE’RE OFF UNTIL MONDAY, JANUARY
5TH.
SO LAUREN, WHAT ARE YOUR HOLIDAY PLANS?LAUREN: WELL, I’M GOING HOME TO
CHICAGO. I’M EXCITED TO SEE MY FAMILY. YEAH!

ERROL: COOL, VERY NICE. WELL THAT’S IT FOR US. WE’D
LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH THIS MUSICAL SALUTE TO THE HOLIDAYS. LAUREN:
IT COMES FROM THE RAINBOW RIDERS OF SAINT MONICA HIGH SCHOOL IN SANTA
MONICA CALIFORNIA. ENJOY.

ERROL: ENJOY.