And Now For The Experiment On Your Rectum

October 10, 2008

A painful commercial that young people had to watch in September and October 2008.
	This commercial is for a sister company of Channel One News.
	"Describe the picture, please," the doctor says. This is suppose to be a "funny"ad that shows how desperate students have become in their search for tuition money. Students see a young person in need of college money agree to a medical experiment in exchange for $50.
	The student correctly says it is an apple, but the doctor electrocutes him anyhow. The student’s body convulses. He is racked with pain. Children at their desks hear the sound of the electricity running through his body. His fists are clenched and his face is frozen in fear by the electricity.
	Children are shown a close-up of the victim of this grotesque human medical experiment.
	The doctor asks again. The student is wrong again. The doctor pushes the button again for another intensely painful dose of electricity.
	"There are easier ways to pay for college," the voice-over says. This is an ad for Alloy’s FindTuition.com. This site is a marketing gimmick that collects information about young people while in turn giving them information about scholarships.
	"And now for the next experiment." The doctor says this as he puts on a latex glove. It’s time for a rectal exam/experiment. The student hearing this breaks free of his restraints and starts running out of the torture room. Children down to the age of ten are forced to watch this commercial. Channel One News is doing a sister company a favor by running this ad. It is meant for high school students, especially juniors and seniors, but Channel One aired it in all middle schools. Some students might not see the humor in this scary ad. Certainly parents would see little. Watching Channel One News is a pretty rough way to start a school day. It always has been. If parents and teachers had their way, they would have Kent Haehl, Dr. Paul Folkemer, and Kathy Goodman (the top three remaining Channel One executives) strapped down on that table. Maybe after a few jolts they would learn to leave schoolchildren alone.